Butt Wipe Wands (and other lessons in accepting help)

The strength required to ask for — and receive — support

When I was in my early 20’s, I had a big, loud group of friends (theater kids, comedians, actors, etc.) that I saw nearly every weekend. One such weekend, we were setting up for a party and I had two friends, Nick and Diana, with me to help me set up. We had all kinds of party favors, snacks, decorations and such in the back of my little Honda. Once I parked, I opened the trunk, threw at least three bags on each of my own arms, picked up a case of soda, walked to the entrance and kicked open the door to get in. My friend Nick yelled “Dayum, independent woman don’t need no man!” and we all laughed.

But that was a super normal occurrence for me - I literally had two friends fully committed to being there to help - and I still carried everything in myself.

Next month, I will be getting major surgery. Despite the scariness of the procedure itself, the idea of being vulnerable and relying on friends and family to help actually brought me to tears. I’ve already curated a list of items on amazon I want to buy to help me stay independent - everything from a device to help me put on socks, to a butt wipe wand (and no, I didn’t know those existed either). Given my history, I have to wonder if maybe the universe gave me this health condition so that I could learn to lean on people I trust. And that maybe it’s actually good to take a moment to relax and friggin’ let someone help you.

Not only that, but because I’m plugged into the health space with my CIRS Group work, I have access to incredibly kind, amazing practitioners of all kinds of specialties - people I feel very lucky to know. The advice and insight I’ve received from such talented, brilliant practitioners is humbling and remarkable. It has eased my worries around all these health setbacks - which of course is a much better mental space to be in to heal too.

Joe Cocker’s version of the Beatles’ “With a Little Help from My Friends” is one of my favorite songs and one I probably should listen to a bit more often these days until I internalize it. I’ll leave a link here to a particularly great live rendition if you’d like to listen too.