2023 in Review...in books.

Happy 2024! I read 13 books this year - so let's look back at what I learned.

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell

A FANTASTIC read - and the first book of 2023. I actually listened to the audio book (which is amazing - read by the author and he chats a little about each law beyond what’s included in the print version), but I loved it so much I purchased the hardback and have already used it for reference. I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t benefit from reading this book. It’s a wonderful way to gain awareness of the laws at play when you lead a team, a group or even your loved ones… giving you a chance to identify and lean into your strengths and surround yourself with people who are strong where you are weak. Filled with inspirational stories of leaders illustrating (or failing at) each law, the book gives you some great practical advice on how to improve and leverage each as well. Outstanding book, both audio and written. Highly recommend.

What If This is the Fun Part? By Carolyn Freyer-Jones and Michelle Bauman

This book was co-written by two coaches who were business partners and best friends, but one died before the book was finished. It was really painful in parts, as there were a lot of opportunities for self reflection, introspection and of course - a confrontation with death. It was interesting to read accounts by two coaches, running their business and schools, helping people better themselves as they bettered their own selves too. It’s ultimately my goal, I suppose, to have a similar career where I can look back and feel like I truly helped some people make their own worlds better places. There were some important life lessons in this book, and it was beautiful (but also sad) to read about such a lovely friendship that ended much too soon because of cancer. The secondary title of the book is “A book about friendship, coaching, dying, living, and using everything for your learning, growth and upliftment” and I do try to use everything in life for that purpose. Even (or especially) the hardest stuff.

The Joy Plan by Kaia Roman

This one recommended by my bestie and business partner @ladycarnivory who experienced such an incredible epiphany and turnaround in her life and mindset from reading it, I knew it had to be good. This is an easy to read part-memoir, part-self-help book on finding more joy (rather than fleeting happiness) in your life. It covers all the big “cultivate joy” tips and tricks you may be familiar with: Meditation and mindfulness, keeping a gratitude journal, daydreaming and celebrating wins with friends, creating a vision board, tuning out the bitch in your head, etc., but she offers science to back it all up so you don’t have to rely on faith or “positive vibes only” to make it happen. I love the tools she details in this book and she makes it pretty simple and straightforward to build your own Joy Plan for your life. It’s a great book, especially for those of us that love to plan.

The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris

This was a pleasant read about ways to cut off the cycle of negative self talk and kill the focus on the anxiety inducing parts of whatever it is you’re nervous about. It was very explainy, but eventually got very tactical and pragmatic. I didn’t do all of the practices the author insisted on, but the concepts of mindfulness and awareness of the world (rather than getting hung up on the one thing that’s freaking you out) was quite useful to me and helped me get over some of my podcast recording nerves. I mainly saw it as another tool in my toolkit when helping clients with their own anxieties, but I did get some nuggets of wisdom from it for myself.

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

This is a fantastic book, and though it has an air of liberal-ness to it (I’m kinda over the “fuck anyone you want” trope, and most the Sex and the City generation has grown up and realized that was dumb)…the author explains the real science, both physiologically and psychologically, behind what turns women on. I kinda think everyone who plans on having sex as a woman or with a woman should read this book. I wasn’t really in the market for this kind of book but when a Trauma Research Foundation blog article AND @johndelony recommended it in two separate mediums on the same day, you gotta take that as a sign that maybe this is the next book you’re supposed to read. Big takeaways: physical reaction to things does not mean you’re turned on and vice versa (non-concordance), society and parenting can really screw your sexuality up and it can take work to fix it, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, responsive desire is just as normal (and possibly more prevalent) than spontaneous desire, and the best thing you can learn is how not to judge what you like, don’t like and how you operate… accept it and embrace it as uniquely you (as long as you’re doing it with yourself or a consenting adult). I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend it.

Oversubscribed by Daniel Priestley

This turned out to be a step-by-step manual on how to market yourself, your services, or your products in a way that boosts interest, provides customers with fantastic value, and to make sure you are never struggling to find clients. A lot of these tactics have been done poorly, especially more recently, but the book offers some great advice on staying fresh and always overdelivering so you’re never disappointing. Since I coach new business owners or entrepreneurially-curious, I like to make sure I read the books like this that I can recommend, and I’m constantly reading so I can build my toolbox of resources for them and me.

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (audio)

This is an important book. Boundaries are not something I learned at any point in my life, and it led to some really difficult relationships and even abuse. I continue to struggle with over extending myself, saying no, and putting myself first. This book is a great foundation to understand why that happens, when you should have learned it, and what you can do about it now. There are different styles of boundary struggles, and this book seems to cover every one of them. Surprisingly, though I am not a parent, I found the parenting chapter most interesting because it delves into the developmental moments of childhood we should have been taught boundaries and what happens to those kids if those moments don’t happen. It is very Biblically based, so I probably wouldn’t recommend this to a total atheist but if you’re more in the middle or not sure about your faith, I still think you’ll enjoy this book. The tenets are applicable no matter what you believe - and I am interested in looking up more boundaries books in this series.

Building a Story Brand and How to Grow Your Small Business, both by Donald Miller

I am a big Donald Miller fan. I first was introduced to his work through Dave Ramsey, as I was finishing up my financial coaching certification (Ramsey Solutions uses and encourages use of Miller’s marketing strategies). Miller first wrote Building a Story Brand, which is the method of using compelling story telling, which involves making your client the hero and yourself the guide, in order to market yourself and your services clearly and effectively to drive sales.

I had read Story Brand earlier in the year, and when I saw his newer book, How to Grow a Small Business, I ordered it right away. It did not disappoint- it’s has one whole chapter on the Story Brand idea, but then he talks about all the other aspects of your company operations that need to be optimized in order to have a successful business. It’s essentially a blueprint for success, if you put in the work. Both books are pretty concise - a 5 hour listen each if you do the audio versions - and he’s a great speaker and writer so it’s easy to consume and process (even if you have ADHD, like me).

When I was looking for a branding and web designer, I intentionally sought out one that followed the Story Brand methodology and @lindseybeharrydesign does all that and more - working with her has been more like working with all star business coach and consultant rather than “just” a branding and marketing person. The strategy is powerful and the absolute best seem to be utilizing it! Miller has a new book out next year called Coach Builder and I’m excited to dig into that one next. If you’re looking for a solid, tactical book for your business endeavors, anything by Miller would be a great pick.

ADHD 2.0 by Edward M. Hallowell MD and John J. Ratey MD

I mentioned earlier in my Don Miller review that I have ADHD - well, I was diagnosed in September of this year, at the age of 37, and so much of my life makes more sense now - the lack of interest in completing homework since the 3rd grade, the serial monogamy, the starting and dropping college four times, changing jobs nearly once a year… and moving about that often too. This driving urge to find a job (or start a business) I love and the desire to help others do the same. I’m a bit shocked no one caught it sooner. I feel like a walking textbook example of the trait. This is now the book I recommend to people who think they might have ADHD or just want to understand it better. This book does a great job acknowledging the problems with and reality of over-diagnosing and overmedicating children, while also bringing attention to the volume of adults that were never diagnosed and consequently remain untreated and are left wondering why life seems harder for them than it is for others (kinda the boat I found myself in, here in my late 30s). It only had one chapter devoted to medication, while the rest beautifully covers alternative ways of treating the symptoms (daily exercise, eating less sugar and carbs, and working on your balance to name a few) and celebrates the super powers ADHD can also bring. Great read.

The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge

In the same vein of exploring my new understanding of my own brain functions, I picked up this book not only as another avenue to explore how my brain works, but also to better understand limbic retraining as well. Limbic work is often a key part of healing from any kind of trauma where your brain may be stuck in fight, flight, or freeze…which includes suffering from chronic illness. This book covers seemingly every aspect of the brain and learning - even covering controversial topics like changing what you’re attracted to (and gets into some heavy trauma stuff in the process) and animal testing. It’s not the most engaging book I’ve ever read, but the research presented was fascinating and gave perspectives on topics of the brain and learning that I hadn’t considered. It was especially inspiring to hear about stroke survivors that re-learned how to walk and function, and some cases where people were effectively missing half their brain and were still able to overcome, adapt, and lead relatively normal lives. Great read if you want to learn more about what the brain (and people!) are capable of.

ADHD After Dark by Ari Tuckman

This book’s first few chapters were heavy on the statistics of a survey response the author received - which was incredibly boring to get through (ironic for a book on ADHD). I picked it up so I could better understand how ADHD might have affected my past and current relationships and I have to say - it wasn’t super illuminating. A lot of the survey responses didn’t fully resonate with me, which left me feeling more alone in my experience. I know I have a fun, complicated cocktail of things at play, between my autoimmune illness, childhood trauma, and now my new diagnosis of ADHD, but I would have expected a little more science explaining how and why our brains work the way they do and maybe what to do about it, and a little less - whatever this book ended up being (apparently I don’t even remember enough to make this clearer).

The ADHD Advantage by Dale Archer, MD

And to close out the year, I finished (literally yesterday) this book, which definitely frames ADHD as a superpower almost exclusively and pretty harshly condemns the use (or at least reliance) on ADHD medications to subdue it. It was great hearing stories of major company founders, CEOs, pilots, drivers, athletes, coaches, teachers, and everyone in between overcoming the difficulties of ADHD in childhood (usually in school) and turning it all around in adulthood with successful, fulfilling careers or businesses (often multiple businesses). The huge, main point of the author is: when you have ADHD, you MUST love what you do. If you don’t, you need to work to figure out what that could be and don’t rest until you do. That’s where the magic happens.

I am so thankful I found coaching - it’s quite possibly one of the only occupations I’ve attempted that I can stay completely focused when I’m doing it - engaged in the person (or people) I’m working with, listening to every word, and allowing my “bingo brain” (a term from the book) to come up with new perspectives and questions to pose to my clients in an effort to bring new things to light and facilitate a breakthrough. I currently coach people on business, but I am sure the topic will change and evolve as I do, to keep things fresh and follow my own interests or developments. The nice thing is that coaching is coaching is coaching - at the end of the day, I’m just helping people see past their own bullshit… and I’m looking forward to getting through even more muck in the year ahead. :)

Here’s to a fantastic 2024. Happy new year, ya’ll.